When Push Comes To Shove
by alwaysandforeveryou1
Summary: Saying goodbye is hard to do, Especially knowing you'll never see them again, and how much your next action will hurt them.


When Push Comes To Shove

Campbell Saunders was a good man; I'd imagine the words that would be spoken in front of my friends and family, my hockey team, my Maya. They wouldn't tell you about the time I was 12 and took my baby sisters doll and burned it to ash, they wouldn't tell you how I yelled and screamed at my mom when my parents got divorced and my dad left, they wouldn't mention that my older brother Justin was my role model, even though he was mean and cruel to me, that the only reason I joined the ice hounds in the first place was to make him proud. I imagined Maya meeting my family for the 1st time her beautiful blue eyes would be pouring out the tears and she would be alone, I wouldn't be there with her, I knew my family would be angry at me for doing this, that everyone would and Dallas, Dallas would probably yell at me for ruining the team again.

But I need to do something; this numb pain inside of me was making me feel as if I were drowning. I couldn't breathe and the only time it almost felt okay again was when Maya was in my arms, but Maya was gone, I was a _Psycho _and didn't deserve her. I was going to hurt her, or at least that what Zig told me opposed to Dallas saying she was just a girl, but she wasn't, she was my girl and I loved her with everything in me. I looked at hoot who was perched on my desk and thought of my goodbye should he write to everyone? Just Maya? Maybe another video message so she could see my face and hear my voice if she wanted. So that's where I continued on with my plan I had a notebook and a pen that sat on my desk waiting for my goodbye, I started with who had helped me the most while I had been at Degrassi, Maya.

_Dear Maya,_

_I'm sorry to be doing this but I want you to know that this had nothing to do with you, I Love You Maya and I always will, you were my light in this darkness, but I can't do this anymore, I want you to be happy, I want you to move on and be the best you can be, I don't want to hold you back. Your beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, your perfect Maya Matlin , your smile, your eyes, your laugh, your grace, anyone would be lucky to have you in their life, I know I was, I could finally breath with you in my arms but I've been selfish for to long, I want you to know how much you helped me, you were my angel and I thank god for that, I know you and Tori aren't getting along right now, but when she sees how much you need her she will be there for you because you would for her and that's what best friends do, you're not alone so don't forget that, everything is going to be okay, stay strong, and I'll be watching you from a far no matter where you are. Thank you for making me live life outside of Hockey, Thank you for making me stand up in front of a crowd and sing cheesy love songs, Thank you for forcing me to take risks and Thank you for taking a risk on me, Thank you for being my home away from home, don't be afraid to fall in love again Maya, and if you need me, I'll always be in your heart _

_Love for all eternity _

_Cam (cheesy)_

I felt tears slide down my checks and splash against the paper I kiss the paper before putting it in an envelope and sealing it neatly writing her name on the front. Next was Dallas

_Dear Dallas, _

_Thank you, Thank you for being a big brother figure in a place in my life were that was all I needed, you were hard but proud and I could feel that, this is not your fault, I did not do this because you yelled at me so please don't think that, I don't know what's wrong with me Dallas and I'm scared. Make sure the team knows they can do this without me and that if they try hard enough they can be in the NHL, No one can ruin that for them and I believe in them, Let Alli in Dallas, She is a great girl and she could be great for you, if you let her, show her the real Mike Dallas. I need you to do something for me please watch Maya, protect her from anyone who is going to try to hurt her, she's alone right now and she might let you in if she knew you were doing this for me, this is all just really bad timing and I wish there was another way, but there's not, I just want to feel something again, please don't hate me, know I will be there if ever you need me. I think you and Maya will get along great, you both will think you're alone in this but you're not if anything you have each other, Make sure the team treats her okay. I really wish I could be a part of all these great things you are destined for, but there will come a day where we meet again so hold on and don't let life slip you by even though it might not feel like it time will continue to run. I'm just another face, maybe my destiny was to guide you or Maya or someone else out there that I have touched in my short life time. I Love you Dallas, your family and I'm so sorry that it seemed like it ended here but it doesn't that I can promise you _

_Love,_

_Campbell (Rookie) _

I saw my sloppy hand writing and realized how much this was taking out of me, how much I wished I could be normal how I wished I could rip up these letters and make everything disappear with it I meant what I said to Dallas I am scared, scared to see if it will hurt, scared to see what's beyond this, I need to stop writing for a minute so I start to record a message for Maya

"Hey there pretty girl" I started wiping my tears away

"I know you probably have no idea what's going on, but I'm sorry, this had nothing to do with my love for you Maya, I never wanted this for you and I was selfish to let us get this far, your my soul mate and I don't regret any part of us, I'm giving you a letter and a video message because I want you to be able to get closer and move on as much as possible, sure get mad, get upset, write a song about it, but you have to move on, you are my soul mate Maya but I am not yours, there will be other guys and they better treat you right, don't lose that corky attitude and let people in still, you're going to need people, I want you to know I believe in you, in anything you set your mind to and that I love you, I need you to know that I did hurt myself on the catwalk on purpose, but you couldn't have prevented this, it's okay to hate me, I hate me, you can to, but know that you made my life at Degrassi perfect, and I had the time of my life with you. I am so proud of you, please remember that to. Well I guess I should go now, I love you Maya Matlin, Thank you for everything especially being you"

I click off the video and realize I should write to my family so I do, I wrote everything to how sorry I am and how sending me here wasn't the problem and me doing this is no one's fault and told them that I love them. I realize that it is really late so, I sneak out of my house after grabbing my ice hounds hoodie and jacket and a 3rd jacket for me to wear, also grabbing Hoot and my phone while putting my family's address on the envelope, that envelope contains 5 letters all in all. One to my mom, one to each my brothers, one to my younger sister and finally one to the whole family.

I stop briefly at the mail box dropping in my only my family's envelope, I then go to the school I go in one of the side doors that used to be the smoking doors that no one seems to lock, I go to Maya's locker 1st I spin in her combo and pop open her locker, I put both my ice hound Jacket and hoodie in her locker and then set Hoot on the self, resting her letter on the side of him. I kiss hoot before I shut her lock door, off to Dallas' Locker, Dallas once told me that he tapes his combo to the top of his locker in case he ever forgot it, good for me I guess, I sit his letter where I know he'll see it slam his locker shut looking around the school one last time.

The last place I looked was the French room, where this all started, where I first met Maya and fell in love right here in this very room, I take one of the dry erase board markers and look at the white board, I simply right the words _**I Love You for all eternity Maya Matlin- Cheesy **_in dark purple marker before leaving the room forever going into the Green house, no one I know really comes in here, I really don't want someone I know to find me, as a favor to my family and whoever finds me, I decide to hang myself so my family can see me one last time. I get everything ready and look down at my phone, Just one thing left to do, send the video to Maya, I look at the time _**3:42**_ I send the video and stand up on the chair and put the rope around my neck, I once heard it took 7 minutes after you stepped off the chair to die, I wonder if that's true, I close my eyes and think of Maya and Dallas, people I knew would miss me or that my death would hurt, I think of all my good times with both of them as I take one more breathe and step off the chair….

_**I own nothing, this is a sad tragedy it happens all the time and needs to be stopped…**_


End file.
